Friday, May 28, 2010


So baby boy finished his 1st week of daycare.


What a relief.

I thought that between the two of us there'd be a whole lot of tears, sniffles & whining. Turns out I was the only doing any of that.

Actually I did pretty well. I only called about twice a day to check on him but I did show up early to pick him up. He, on the other hand, was amazing. As a matter of fact, by the 3rd day he was giggling every time I put him in the car seat. It was like he knew he was off to do his thing while I did mine. "Yeah, Mommy. You do you and we'll hook up later."


I started him at daycare this week since I'll be going back to work on the first and I thought it would be overwhelming to do it all at once. Practice makes perfect as they say, and I wanted to make sure the transition back into my old routine goes smoothly.

The other huge thing this week is that he's got a few new tricks. I don't know if he's picking it up from other kids or if it's just time for him to meet these milestones but here they are in no particular order:

He's chewing his tongue.
He's blowing crazy bubbles all the time.
He's folding his hands.
He's grabbing at things.
He's talking up a storm
He's lifting himself up off the floor during tummy time.

He's 9 and a 1/2 weeks old... Amazing!

Have I said lately how proud I am to be this kid's mom? Seriously, I love him something awful.

I'd love to hear from you. Please share your baby's milestones in the comments section.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The Reason

Dear Hubby,

I'm so happy to be your wife and even happier to be the mother of your child. I married you because I love you. I married you because you're as close to the fairy tale as it gets for me. But mostly, I married you because I knew I wanted to have a family with you. I knew in my heart as well as my head that we could have the kind of family together that I could never have if we were apart. And now that AK is here with us, I see, I understand that he is the reason we met, the reason we fell in love and the reason we married each other.

It was meant to be.

I love you both so much!

Happy Anniversary, Hubby!!


Saturday, May 22, 2010

Baby Stats

Here are baby boy's stats to date:

DOB: March 23, 2010 - 3:19 a.m.
Weight: 7 lbs. even
Length: 19.34 inches

Doc appt (3 weeks):
Weight: 8 lbs., 8 oz.
Length: 21 inches

Doc appt. (2 months):
Weight: 11 lbs., 12 oz.
Length: 23.75 inches

Friday, May 21, 2010

Mommy Milestone #1

Baby boy got his 2-month shots today.

I was so nervous for him so hubby had to be the one to hold him for the nurse while she gave him his shots. He cried like I knew he would but only for a minute and then he was done. Actually, he was smiling right afterward.

Three shots in the leg and my lil man was smiling!

He's such a big boy already!

This was one of the first big mommy milestones and overall I think I did pretty well.

Ok, so I wasn't the one holding him while he got his shots. I hate needles so I couldn't watch my baby get stuck and then cry. But I didn't cry either, (not out loud anyway), and that was because I wanted to stay strong for my lil man.

I'm so proud of him, and truly so proud to be his mom. Not because he didn't cry too much but because he innately trusts us enough to know we're there to comfort him when he needs us.

It was hard to hear my baby cry but I had to be there, and I'll continue to be there for him.


Thursday, May 20, 2010

The Color Blue


2 months already!

I have to tell you, being able to say that is really ironic. In the beginning I was so overwhelmed, every second seemed like an hour; every hour a day. I got to the point where I constantly felt like I needed a break from my baby. I had no idea motherhood could be this overwhelming!

I honestly believe that no amount of advice from other mothers can ever truly prepare a woman for this role. It really is specific to the individual mommy and her child. I think that's why I was so caught by surprise at how much work being a mother takes.

I'm going to save the details of my labor and delivery for another post. Suffice it to say that labor wasn't as bad as I expected but delivery was far worse. I dilated to almost 6 cms and stayed there for 7 hours, after which the doctor decided I would need to have a c-section. The c-section was a nightmare and resulted in me having to be sedated. I was pretty much a basketcase but, again, that's a story for another post.

Thankfully, the result was my healthy, bouncing baby boy, Austin, who arrived at 3:19 am on March 23, 2010.


The first week was great. I felt comfortable being a mother, and even thought I could do this mommy-thing no problem.


I went home on the 5th day and by the 7th day was crying more than my newborn baby boy.

The Baby Blues had arrived.

I cried in the morning. I cried at night. I cried when my husband left for work and then again when he came home. Most of the time I wasn't sure why I was crying or even what I was crying about. I certainly had moments of doubt, moments where I questioned whether or not I was capable of actually being a mother. I had other moments where I actually questioned whether or not I even wanted to be a mother. That sounds terrible, I know. But it's the truth. Those times were almost always followed immediately by complete and utter guilt for having thought such a thing in the first place, and then, of course, more crying.

In the end, it turned out my biggest problem was breastfeeding. Well, not the breastfeeding itself, but the pumping. No matter what I tried, I wasn't able to collect much milk at all. I went through 2 pumps, several lactation consultations and all kinds of family advice, but nothing seemed to help. I was so stressed out about not being able to pump that I began to feel increasingly more trapped in a very dark place. I felt like I couldn't get out - like I'd never get out. I couldn't come and go as easily as I could before I had a baby. I couldn't do anything without having to plan it around his feedings. Certainly my life had changed in a major way and it was now no longer my own. But not being able to pump meant no one else could help me either. I could never be too far away from him. I alone would have to get up with him each and every time he needed to be fed. I wouldn't be able to put him in daycare. I wouldn't be able to return to work. Etc., etc. The weight of this responsibility only made the dark place I was in even darker.

So I became obsessed with pumping. I put the pump on before and after every feeding in an attempt to find the right time to express enough milk to store for my child. I was convinced that if I could just find the right time or combination of relaxation techniques, I'd be able to fill at least half a bottle. And that half a bottle would represent my ability to feed my son successfully, and that in turn would give me just the right positive reinforcement I needed to be able to continue doing so. I was also cleaning and sterilizing and drying the pump, and all its parts, after each attempt because the lactation consultant scared me to death with tales of mold and pumps gone bad.

Ultimately I wasn't able to do it. I started hating to attach the pump so much that I started to feel negatively about having my son latch on as well. Once that started, I knew I was done.

I made the decision to exclusively formula-feed and it changed my world. My spirits started to lift. I stopped crying as much, and I finally started to feel like I could do this. I could be a mother.

I could be Austin's mother.

The decision to stop breastfeeding was not an easy one to make, but it was the right one for me and my child. I wish I could have figured out how to make the pumping work for us, but the fact that I didn't doesn't make me a bad mom.

On the contrary.

Recognizing that I had a problem and taking action to prevent that problem from escalating into something more serious makes me a great mom.

Now that we're past all of that, the seconds no longer seem like hours, and the hours no longer seem like days.

Now there's never enough time to spend with my baby.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Welcome to My 'Hood

I'm a mommy.

I can't believe I'm actually able to say that now. It's been a long road, (which you can read all about in my old blog, Ova-EZ), but I'm here now in the 'Hood and I've never been happier.

For those not familiar with my journey, I'm a first-time mother so this blog will be dedicated to all things "mommy". I guess that means pretty much everything, huh?

For this first post I just want to say that being a mother is so much more than anyone could have ever explained to me. It's so much more demanding, so much more intense and so very much more rewarding than I could have ever imagined.

There are constant feedings, sleepless nights and, in my case, even some baby blues. But there's also an endless amount of love. A flood of emotion like you've never known, that shows you what a true gift the responsibility of taking care of another life can be.

My goal with this blog is to document all of it, so my son will be able to look back on this and know how much I love him.

This is for you, AK.

Mommy loves you!